For once I arrived at the gig on time
Ready to make my debut
I went backstage, they took one look
And said “Sorry, we can’t use you”

In my younger years I Was beautiful
And it tended to get me in trouble
A may pack it on, but I won’t pack it in
I’m sorry to burst your bubble

You say I’m too fat
Too old and fat
Too old and fat for that
You must be crazy if you think the kids
Are ever going to buy into that

You say I’m too fat
Too old and fat
Too old and fat for that
Stop chasing dreams and settle down
And get yourself a cat

That’s okay I can take a hint
I’ll just play my shows on the moon
‘Cause everybody looks fat
In a spacesuit, in a spacesuit

You should have seen me at twenty three
I was young, and hot, and shallow
It won’t be nifty when you turn fifty
And your funky fields fall fallow

You may assume that I’m past my bloom
But I say it’s never too late
You may say that I’m past my date
But I’m not taking the bait

I’m not too fat
Too old and fat
Too old and fat for that
I don’t care if the entire world
Can’t wrap their head around that

I’ll only undress on the ISS
And throw my parties on Mars
“Cause everybody looks fat in a spacesuit